Reasons or
Results!
Fitness Nutrition Training
Sovereign Michael Valentine
SPN, CFT, Eft, Yft, Cft, SSc, GFI, CMCht, CERT, Reiki Master
206.225.9647
email: sovereignmv@gmail.com
web: bnbbs.myshaklee.com
Special Report #30
Part of the
“I see you to succeeding"
series
Dis or Dat?
Conflicted?
Not sure why you aren't getting the results you want as fast as you wanted?
Why it seems like you're putting out energy but not getting results?
One of the greatest perceived barriers to success is the space in between [where you are beginning] from and [where you say you want to go].
What this looks like in real time is someone who insists they want results, puts out the big bucks for training and supplies but doesn't stop doing the things that got them where they [don't] want to be.
In the psychotherapy world this can be referred to as [inner-conflict]... meaning the person hasn't made up their mind to let go of what they WERE getting in exchange for what they say they want to get [now]. This ties into the idea of "lifestyle". e.g. If I want to stop doing a habit, how likely is my success if I surround myself with people who are also doing the habit I want to stop?... the people who supported me in getting where I didn't want to be.
If I want to burn fat, how likely am I to get lean if all my friends eat and live in fat ways?...if my family eats unhealthily and avoids structured exercise.
It's the classic scenario where children who hang out with delinquent children may begin to notice the way they think and behave acclimated to the lower level of expectations within the group (peer influence).
Now, that doesn't mean you suddenly "throw away" your friends and family who don't participate or have the same new insights or interests as you...
Neither does it mean it's others' fault you didn't succeed...it means you have to act maturely and [step up on your own behalf]. It simply means begin expanding your circle to include people who are already successful at what you want for your self...or at the very least new people who have the same goals as you (support system).
What trainers, coaches, teachers, etc., see with people who struggle to adopt the lifestyle they are driving for is if the [student perceives they are going to lose something] by improving themselves or reaching their goal, they will struggle to take in and integrate the very information they say they want, since the new information is being filtered through the previously agreed upon (even if unspoken agreement) group-mindset...
(If something potentially is perceived to threaten the rapport of the group, the new information is rejected before it's even considered).
And again, even if the new information is good and healthy for you; if it conflicts with the spoken and unspoken values of your social group, you'll have to make the decision to risk disapproval in order to get the results of the new information.
I have seen both intentional and unintentional interference for people who want to get lean and healthy. An example of intentional-sabotage is when someone (often a spouse or other family member) fears losing the person who has decided to improve themselves so they go about emotionally disrupting their partner's efforts to improve them-self.
(Goals and aspirations require a portion of our daily allowance of emotional saving account).
This can happen by emotional outbursts, seeming neediness, or through unspoken punishment as a means of distracting the person from being able to put enough emotional energy into their current goals.
Indirect forms of sabotage include but are not limited to demanding the "mom" of the family continue to cook the SADCRAP diet while mom is trying her best to stick to her healthy program.
Or, it could come in the form of subtle comments that love and acceptance are [conditional on staying] like the "old you" will get withheld if the person striving for improvement reaches their goals. Sometimes the sabotage is indirect and unintentional (rooted in misunderstanding or lack if sensitivity or perceived fear if loss), where mom cooks for all the kids but once one child decides to strive for new levels of health, mom continues to cook and offer the unhealthy choices and refuses to cook the healthy choices...it's easier.
(Not that it is mom's job to cook, nor that the matriarch is the only negative influence) for the child, but that if the cooking is in the name of love, then find out what love and support means in the new, healthier context; if it really is about love, the healthier version of love is healthier!
Sometimes we make friends and have social circles that involve co-miserating, but once we mature out of complaining and move onto pro-actively improving ourselves, the rest of the group or relationship might not be ready to adopt a healthy lifestyle. In this case, we have to have a certain amount of time where we take care of ourselves (exercise and nutrition), in which time is just for us, in order to make up for the other hours which don't support our new self.
The best way I know to proactively cushion the blow of change to your social circle is to verbally assure your group, family, etc., that you love them, are still there but that you are going to live differently...This assures them that you (a component of THEIR support circle) is still there...just differently.
In healthy, aware friends and family, everyone gets excited and many even acknowledge to participate. In unhealthy (co-dependent) [attending to what is good for others more than yourself] circles of influence, the strength of the group is based on everyone staying weakened and under-functioning in order to keep the group united... the unhealthier each person is the stronger the group is...each person enables the others to NOT take care of themselves... so no individual can get healthier without the rest if the group disapproving.
You can see how UN-empowering this can be for the person who has decided to live healthier (peer pressure).
If you find yourself blaming others, that means you haven't taken control of your own power nor retained your power...the blame game.
If you find that others really are interfering with your progress, it points to the idea you had previously relied on those people for comfort and support but you have matured beyond being unhappy or unsatisfied with your current status quo. Not everyone wants to get healthy in the same timing.
(If there are addiction type factors involved, this can complicate your ability to free yourself from the unhealthy cycle because addiction requires participation by the 1) addict 2) the people who enable the addiction and 3) and the non-willing participants of the fallout of the addiction (children or spouse).
Since getting free of addiction and co-dependency (taking care of others' feelings before taking care of your own) requires acknowledging what is actually going on, the odds of the addict getting clean and emotionally healthy / present in order to help you is unlikely or rare to say the least...either way, it's up to you to create a circle of influence (friends, workout partners, support groups, church, counselor, etc.) which supports your new healthier version...without a positive circle of influence, long-term, sustainable success is unlikely.
PART of the reason a fit lifestyle seems easier for some than others relates to how we're raised. No matter the arena (finance, business, education, relationships), if we are raised in a family that is supportive of an interest (or even better sets good models) we have the advantage before we even begin. If we aren't, we have to get the information from the people who do have the information (it takes a village to raise a child).
Today, with 80% of the population having too much fat, I think it's safe to say we have more models for being unhealthy than healthy...so seek out the information you need...it's not a secret!
For more information on solid nutrition programs, go here:
Do it now, do it consistently!
"I see you succeeding"
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